CHAPTER 1
This section is dedicated to the act of Teshuvah.
I remember my child once did something that left me very displeased and disappointed. When they realized how hurt I was they asked me "what can I do to fix this"? I simply replied "just don't do it again".
Why did I let them off so easy? Because I love them and they love me. We both wanted to reconnect as we were before this episode. Being hurt and feeling apart actually BROUGHT to light how important our relationship is.
Even more importantly, when I see that my child also feels very hurt and pained about what their actions did to our relationship and they exclaim "WHAT CAN I DO TO FIX THIS"!!??, that in itself makes it enough for the both of us to move on to a more positive future.
והנה מצות התשובה מן התורה היא עזיבת החטא בלבד
"Now the mitzvah of repentance as required by the Torah is simply the abandonment of sin"
R' Mendel once related that during his years in Russia, hiding from the KGB (due to his "anti-government activities of helping Jews), he was with a family that had a very sick child. The doctor gave the parents very exact instructions on how to treat the child. The doctor warned that if the treatment was administered out of sequence it will be very detrimental to the child's recovery.
The mother was extremely diligent in her child's recovery. One time, by accident she reversed some of the treatment and unfortunately it had an immediate adverse effect. The child's condition became extremely critical.
R' Mendel witnessed that the immediate reaction the mother had was that she started pulling her hair and yelling "WHAT DID I DO...WHAT DID I DO.."!!???
and a moment later she stopped and IMMEDIATELY started saying "WHAT SHOULD I DO" with a complete resolve to do WHATEVER needs to be done to remedy this.
R' Mendel said that at that moment he realized the true meaning of Teshuvah - it starts with regret but moves to positive action. It is extremely important to take responsibility for the wrong one did and to regret doing it, but far and more important is to not dwell on that regret - to IMMEDIATELY focus on how to proceed, with a positive resolve for a positive future.
CHAPTER 2
In the times of the Bais Hamikdash, if one transgressed, they would bring a sin offering. That ceremony was a physical manifestation of the bearer's regret for their wrongdoing. That is Teshuvah. After teshuvah the person is no longer guilty of the sin.
Interesting to note that after the sin offering was brought one would bring an Olah sacrifice. What is the purpose of this additional offering?
This was a token offering, representing the person's thankfulness for being forgiven and more importantly a request to be seen as if the transgression never occurred. To be one again without any negative history.
The students of the great Rabbi Saadya Goan once found him crying and in deep repentance. They where dumbfounded and questioned him, what could this tremendously great Tzaddik have done that would warrant such deep remorse?
He told them that in the past he longed to serve Hashem with humility and peace of mind, but now being as famous and sought after as he was, he realized that his wish will not actualize unless he goes to a place that he won't be recognized and serve Hashem with the humbleness that he wished for.
One day he just upped and left. In his travels he happened to stop by an inn, the inn keeper was a very nice and kind person who treated him and all the guests graciously. The next day Rabbi Saadya Goan packed his bags and left. In the meantime the students of the missing Rabbi went searching for him. They happened upon the same inn and inquired with the inn keeper if the Rabbi had been there. The inn keeper responded that there is no way that such a great Rabbi as Saadya Goan stayed in this inn, but after the students described what the Rabbi looked like, the inn keeper realized that the great Tzaddik really had been his guest. He immediately jumped on his horse and headed in the direction that the Rabbi was going. When he caught up, he leaped off the horse and went on his knees begging Rabbi Saadya Goan for forgiveness. The Rabbi responded "what possible wrong did you do to me? You were a very gracious host", to this the inn keeper replied "I treated you as a regular guest, if I only knew who you really were I would've done so much more for you, I'm so sorry".
Rabbi Saadya Goan then related to his students that from the inn keeper I learned what Teshuvah really needs to be. It's not about what you DID it's WHO you did it to. The more you realize the greatness of who you are serving, the more you are able to realize that you SHOULD'VE done more and that's well worth crying for.
CHAPTER 3
In the time of the Talmud, when one sinned they didn't just want to be forgiven for their inequity, they also wanted to show Hashem that their bond and connection to Hashem is more important to them than anything else. To show this they used to take upon themselves to fast - to refrain from the most basic physical need in order to show that Hashem is the most important aspect in their life.
The Tanya states that now, in our time our body is weaker than it used to be and the extra fasting will weaken us both physically and mentally whereby it will have an adverse effect on leading a productive life both physically and spiritually, therefore we are NOT ALLOWED to take these extra fasts upon ourselves.
In our time, the path to show our yearning to connect to Hashem and live a spiritual life is by the act of giving charity. Money that we could have used to satisfy ourselves and instead give it to what G-D wants is the highest demonstration of what is most important in our lives.
A Chossid of the Tzemach Tzeddek once related to him that due to his past wrongdoings he is now fasting to fix it. The Tzemach Tzedek told him "not eating doesn't mean you're "fasting"... it just means that your getting skinnier..." and he continued, what you need to do to fix things is to really think about your life for 15 minutes every day.
When the Frierdikker Rebbe wrote the above story, he added that after a short while, heeding the words of the Tzamach Tzeddek the Chossid's character transformed to such an extent that he was unrecognizably better to anyone that knew him in the past.
When the Rebbe wrote about the above story he added that to get the utmost result out of the 15 minutes allocated to think about their life, one should NOT think of their mistakes they have done in the past, but use the 15 minutes to think positively about what steps need to be done to fix and improve oneself.
CHAPTER 4
The Zohar relates that the true meaning of Teshuvah is to return (not the popularly thought of meaning - repentance). The word Teshuvah is a make up of Toshuv Hay, returning the ה to Hashem's name (י-ה-ו-ה).
The two different definitions of Teshuvah -repentance or return is huge. Repentance only focuses on the transgressor, one must make amends for a wrong that one has done, it's not G-D's problem that one sinned, it's the transgressor's problem. Return (returning a missing letter in Hashem's name) implies that the damage of the sin is mainly to Hashem - his name has been broken and Teshuvah is the act of making Hashem complete again.
By means of an example, when an associate does me wrong, there is a disconnect between us, our relationship is broken by virtue of the wrong . When the associate makes amends and fixes the wrong, we can then reconnect. But even reconnected we will always be just two entities that have common ground. Our relationship will only revolve around our common ground.
On the other hand, when my child does wrong, my pain is not only because THEY did something wrong, I actually feel broken. Why? Because we are essentially one. When my child does something it's like I did it, what they do has a direct effect on me.
I'm broken because my child did wrong.
When they fix their ways and become good, I AUTOMATICALLY feel whole and good again. By my child fixing their ways (Teshuvah) they have returned me and made me whole again.
Their wrong could only be fixed by them, yet the results are also felt by me.
The Zohar wants us to see that our relationship with Hashem is as it is with a parent. When we do bad, we hurt Hashem and when we do Teshuvah we RETURN Hashem to his rightful place.
Teshuvah/ Tushuv ה׳
CHAPTER 5
Why are there so many prohibition commands that apply only to Jews? Why is it fine for the non Jew to do most of them?
Jews were designed to be living representation of G-D in this world.
Watching the myriads of JEM interviews with countless people of all walks of life, when sharing their experiences with the Rebbe, they all talk about the "presence" of something special, a very spiritual experience. This experience is what should be felt by an encounter with any Jew.
The soul of every Jew is holy and very much a part of G-D, but in order to reveal this essential bond in our physical lives it will need Torah and Mitzvos. These are the tools that G-D gave us to not only have G-D's DNA but to BE like him, to the point where an encounter with us feels like there is a "presence" of G-Dliness.
The prohibitions of the Torah are not bad per se, like eating milk and meat together is totally fine for a non Jewish diet, but in order to be Jewish, to be a being in which G-D's presence is apparent, a very special diet is needed. Eating milk with meat together is poison to our Jewish bond.
With the above in mind we gain a tremendous insight into why a sin is so bad and Teshuvah is so important.
A sin is so loathed by G-D, not because it's REALLY bad (the act might be ok for others as carrying on Shabbos), but because it ruins our ability to connect and become like each other and therefore it's bad.
There is no greater compliment I could get than to be told "you remind me of your father" and no greater insult to be told "your father would never do that".
כי אם עונותיכם היו מבדילים ביניכם לבין אלקיכם
“Only your sins separate you from your G‑d.”
CHAPTER 6
As a parent it always amazed me how much control my kids have on my wife and I. They are completely dependent on us for their physical and emotional necessities, yet somehow they are in control.
If they do well I'm happy, if not... I'm sad.
I threaten them "if you do that I'll do..." and immediately after they disobey, I start readjusting my position to accommodate the situation.
It's amazing that with all their weaknesses, they are the ones that are in the drivers seat of the relationship.
It's simple, as parents we love them and they are our lives. They are more important than anything else, therefore we will break all the rules for them.
Yet with all the "giving in", we always create a new path so that they will get back on track in order for us to really be together.
והנה: יעקב חבל נחלתו כתיב
“Jacob is the rope of [G‑d’s] heritage.”
על דרך משל: כמו החבל שראשו אחד למעלה וראשו השני למטה
The analogy [compares the soul of a Jew] to a rope, with one end above and the other end below.
אם ימשוך אדם בראשו השני, ינענע וימשך אחריו גם ראשו הראשון, כמה שאפשר לו להמשך
When one pulls the lower end he will move and pull after it the higher end as well...
We are tied together with G-D and as the above quotes, Tanya is telling us that the upper end of the rope (G-D) follows the direction of the lower end (Jews).
At the giving of the Torah at Har Sinai, G-D made a commitment to connect and be as one to every Jew that keeps Torah and Mitzvos.
At the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash, G-D made an unconditional commitment to remain connected to every Jew no matter what they did.
Unfortunately it is in a child's low point that you see the unconditional love of a parent. So to with G-D.
A cancer survivor once told me that his condition was so bad that the doctors told his wife that his best prognosis is that he will be a "vegetable" and suggested that he be put in a hospice. His wife replied that she will take him home and if he becomes a "vegetable" she will become his gardener.
That is G-D's commitment to us.
תַּנְיָא רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן יוֹחַאי אוֹמֵר, בֹּא וּרְאֵה, כַּמָּה חֲבִיבִין יִשְׂרָאֵל לִפְנֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, שֶׁבְּכָל מָקוֹם שֶׁגָּלוּ, שְׁכִינָה עִמָּהֶם.
Rabbi Shimon ben Yochai taught: “Come and see how much the Holy One, blessed be He, cherishes Israel. Wherever they were exiled, the Shechinah accompanied them.”
When The Rashbi explained the significance of the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash to his son Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Eliezer proclaimed - I feel torn apart, on one side I'm so saddened by the loss and the significance of the destruction and on the other side I'm so elated in realizing the unconditional love and commitment that G-D has towards us Jews.
CHAPTER 7
Unfortunately it is all too common to hear and say an insincere "I'm sorry".
Actually often times, people today don't even bother saying it, they just send a sorry emoji 😐🙁😒😕
In this chapter, Tanya gives the two steps that are needed to make an "I'm sorry" a REAL commitment to never repeat the remorseful act.
Step 1
Truly appreciate who you REALLY are, a Jew that is very much a part of G-D. When one starts to truly realize how great their soul is and how much good they can create and instead uses their abilities to hurt someone or to hurt themselves, one starts to feel shame for their choices.
Allowing yourself to feel stupid for a misdeed starts with negativity and ends off leaving you feeling worthless.
On the other hand, feeling shameful for a misdeed starts with the positive realization of the greatness one is capable of accomplishing and ends with a positive of starting to act like the person you really are - a Jew.
Step 2
Take account of your actions. When an accountant looks at the financials of a company, he shows how each division is either making a profit and should be continued or how it is hurting the business and should be discontinued.
By taking into account one's misdeeds and analyzing what damage they have caused to themselves, their spouse, their children, etc..., one starts to hate the act and what it has done (not hating themselves but hating the misdeed).
An "I'm sorry" that follows the above two steps will be a sincere and meaningful "sorry" and won't be repeated
CHAPTER 8
Unfortunately, in a relationship, even after one is completely forgiven for a wrong, the relationship is still not the same.
Prior to the wrong that was done, it was a beautiful, positive relationship with great energy. The wrong that was done unfortunately killed that place. It is true that the wrong was forgiven but the sterile, pure place that was the relationship became stained.
The stain on the pure silk shirt was removed, but it lost its luster.
The first step is to fix the wrong, to regret the misdeed and make a resolve to never do it again, to focus on the past.
The next step is to no longer dwell on the transgression, but to only focus on the future, on ways to reconnect and rebuild that pristine place.
One must realize that the heart of their transgression was selfishness. Selfishness leaves a stain where even after being forgiven for the act, the stain still remains.
The only remedy is to become completely SELFLESS. Only when one changes and becomes only concerned in fulfilling the wants of the other, can a path be cleared to reestablishing that beautiful relationship.
Only through the magic of selflessness can the original shine and luster cone back.
Previously (in chapter 4) we quoted from the Zohar the meaning of Teshuvah, that the word Teshuvah is a make up of Toshuv Hay, returning the ה to Hashem's name (י-ה-ו-ה). This Teshuvah/forgiveness is represented only by the second Hay in Hashem's name, this level is known as Teshuvah Tatuah (lower level Teshuvah) forgiveness for the wrong - removing the stain.
There is a higher level of Teshuvah known as Teshuvah Yilah which is represented by the first Hey in Hashem's name. This level is reserved to reestablish the relationship to its former pristine place. On this level one can actually bring back the shine and luster as it originally was.
This is Teshuvah Yilah - returning the first Hey, returning to our relationship with Hashem as is was and as Hashem always wished to see us. Pristine and beautiful.
CHAPTER 9
The Zohar states that the sin of זרע לבטלה/masturbation can not be remedied with Teshuvah.
Haven't we learned that Teshuvah can fix any sin?
The Raishis Chochmah states that the Zohar is saying that the lower level of Teshuvah is not enough to fix this wrong, one must also reach the higher level of Teshuvah to fix this. (See previous lesson regarding this level of Teshuvah).
Why is masturbation considered a worse sin than others? Why does one need to connect on the highest level to fix this sin?
The seed of man holds the entire DNA of both the spiritual and physical person, it is one's essence. It has the power of making a child. Intimacy is the way one accesses this essence. This amazing resource was given to man for the purpose of procreating and having a family.
By masturbating, one redirects this immense source of energy and instead of using it for the most selfless of causes, to make a family, one uses it solely for personal pleasure. To be by themselves and enjoy just themselves, pure selfishness.
Another major corruption that's incurred due to masturbation is that it has a very bad affect on our ability to think.
Our ability to think is our ability to stay focused on what's right. Our "hearts want what our hearts want" regardless of whether it will be good or bad for us, it just lusts for whatever it desires. The brain controls those impulses from the heart. The brain is intellect and it's sole interest is to depict if it's good or bad, right or wrong. If it's good it will pursue it, if it's bad it will stay clear of it. Without the proper mental ability we are worse off than animals.
By engaging in this act one is corrupting their essence and is making themselves into an extremely selfish being that will destroy both their physical and spiritual relationships.
Masturbation plays out in the brain by using the ability to fantasize. It uses the brain in a manner that is opposite of its original intent. Instead of making the person aware of all the damage that it will cause, it actually willfully disregards all caution and engages in that sin. That causes damage in man's overall ability to see the truth, to stay in control and to follow the right path.
It is stated that one of the ways to fix this issue is to occupy oneself in learning Torah. If one already learns? They should double the time and effort.
Why is this a remedy?
When one learns Torah and they comprehend it well, they start to see and understand things the way G-D sees it.
Using the time to see everything from G-D's perspective instead of the self indulgent destructive behavior, undoes the mental damage that the sin caused.
With a healthy Jewish mind we can then choose wisely and selflessly and assure great results.
CHAPTER 10
The two first steps to Teshuvah:
1. To realize the bad in the wrong deed and the damage it has done but most importantly, to resolve to never repeat it.
2. To focus on positive ways to reconnect and reestablish the relationship to its original purity.
In Tehillim, David Hamelech says
וחטאתי נגדי תמיד,
he acknowledges that the act of Teshuvah is not a one time act, it is a way of life. In order to be successful in reverting the bad past to a great future, one needs to live these two steps continuously.
In this chapter, Tanya teaches us that in addition to the two Teshuvahs needing to be done in this order (step 1 and then step 2), they should be done at completely different times.
During bedtime Shema or later should be reserved for the self-abasement step 1 and the positive, step 2 should be done the next morning (during Shachris).
Tanya is teaching us that although it is important to allot time and energy to take responsibility of one's wrong and the damage it created, the right time for it should be the LAST thing we do before going to sleep, the time we have the LEAST amount of energy left. Although it's a very important step and it needs to be done, since it is of a negative nature, one should do the minimum and that will be enough.
On the other hand with the positive, step 2 one should start in the beginning of the day, at the time when we have the most energy.
The Tanya states further that if one can only allocate once a week for Teshuvah, then Thursday night should be reserved for the harsh step 1 and then Shabbos should be reserved to reconnect.
Shabbos is a day that we make every physical and conscious effort to stop all distractions and focus on only the positive of the day. Sharing the day with loved ones, both family, friends and G-D.
It's only with positive energy that we can really creat meaningful and everlasting change.
The Hebrew word of Teshuvah תשב and the word Shabbos שבת are of the same letters only in a different order.
By changing our attitudes on Shabbos towards the positive, we change תשב Teshuvah into a שבת Shabbos experience. A day of relaxation and peace.
CHAPTER 11
PART 1
After the death of king Saul, Dovid Hamelech asked the people of Givon to forgive Saul for what he did to them. They refused.
After seeing that these people have no forgiveness in them, Dovid enacted a Halacha in which anyone from Givon was not allowed to convert to Judaism.
It is a base character of a Jew to be able to forgive, it is an essential part of what a Jew is, benevolent and forgiving.
Seeing that the Givonim CAN'T forgive, Dovid realized that they cannot ever become Jews.
The Torah teaches us that G-D is synonymous with benevolence and forgiveness. It is the whole narrative of the Jews, from the beginning - Jews sin and G-D FINDS a way (through benevolence and forgiveness) to stay with them.
For example, G-D performs the biggest miracles bringing the Jews out of Egypt and literally shows himself at Mount Sinai proclaiming "I'm Your G-D - DON'T worship another". Less than 40 days later, they already made an idol. What did G-D do? Forgave the Jews.
Why did G-D forgive then and why does he still forgive us?
Because that is the most defining character of G-D - to forgive. To find a way to continue the relationship with the Jews, his chosen people no matter how bad the transgression.
As the children of Hashem we inherited this trait and it became our defining character as well.
It is incumbent upon a Jew that hurt another to ask them for forgiveness (even after all other types of reparations were done by him).
It is also incumbent upon a Jew that was ASKED for forgiveness to accept the request immediately.
The reason for the obligations to ask and to accept a request for forgiveness is to heal the emotional wounds that were incurred due to the wrong that was done. Once the emotional wounds are healed, peace and the accompanying spiritual energy can come back to both of them.
As Jews we are simply expected to love one another. So if there is a rift between us, regardless of who's fault it is, both parties need to do what they can to fix the relationship. Therefore the guilty party needs to seek forgiveness and the hurt party needs to find a way to forgive.
This is the Jewish way. To love another Jew trumps anything.
This section of Tanya is dedicated to better understand the meaning of Teshuvah/ forgiveness. We are told to always keep in mind how important a Jew is to G-D and that he will always ABSOLUTELY FORGIVE, as long as we seek his forgiveness.
When one asks for forgiveness from their parent it's an extremely positive experience since all parties involved all want the same - to be together.
Teshuvah is a time to cry, but not sad tears, happy tears, thankful that G-D made forgiveness the cornerstone of our Jewish DNA - unconditional love.
CHAPTER 11
PART 2
In Tehillim, David Hamelech says
וחטאתי נגדי תמיד,
he acknowledges that the act of Teshuvah is not a one time act, it is a way of life. In order to be successful in reverting the bad past to a great future, one needs to live these two steps continuously.
Why is it so important to always deal with a mistake from the past, to the point that Dovid Hamelech says "my sin is before me ALWAYS"?
Once one is remorseful for the mistake, it's forgiven so isn't it time to move on in a positive way? Why not just stay positive ALWAYS?
Tanya quotes from Rashi that here the translation from נגדי is from afar. That Dovid is actually saying "my sins I always keep afar".
What would be the purpose in keeping mistakes of the past afar?
Either keep them close, as to remind us not to repeat them or just move on after the proper Teshuvah.
The most important attitude for a Jew to have is to love one another and definitely not to judge one another harshly.
To judge is to put oneself greater than the other, to feel a sense of superiority. This is very wrong.
Not only is one not allowed to see themselves greater than another, but one is supposed to do the opposite.
"להיות שפל רוח בפני כל האדם
be humble of spirit before all"
Dovid Hamelech who was the KING and JUDGE of the Jews in his time is telling us the right mindset one is to have when dealing with other people and their issues;
וחטאתי נגדי תמיד - "my sins I alway keep afar"
Dovid always remembered that there WAS a time that he messed up (sending a husband to the front line of a war, certain death in order to be able to marry the widow).
Our sages tell us that the husband actually deserved death (for a reason stipulated in the Talmud). Separately, Dovid was destined to have his son, King Solomon from this union.
If you take all the above into consideration, the Talmud concludes that Dovid was not guilty of a crime.
Yet Dovid himself ALWAYS regarded his behavior of this episode as a sin.
By recognizing the challenges he faced both by destiny and behavior, Dovid was left humbled, not in a negative way but in a way that recognizes that we can't just judge people arrogantly for everyone has a "story". Sometimes on the face of it, a person looks very guilty (like Dovid), so guilty in fact that it would take the greatest minds of the Talmud and prophetic vision to see his innocence.
By Dovid Hamelech keeping his transgression from afar as to constantly gaze upon, it served as a tool to humble and ground him giving him the ability to be not just a wise King and Judge but more importantly an extremely compassionate one as well.
It is due to his humbleness that the Talmud tells us that his judgments where always acute and true.